I am Sof.

For anyone who’s interested in reading my blog but is cut off from my constant moving-around, please click on..

http://blog.aminlovewith.com

Yes, I own that space.

http://23.detox.nu/blog

I don’t accept beats thank you very much. =D

A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. American: “You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?” Canadian (in a bad mood): “Of course.” American: (after blowing a huge bubble)”We don’t. In America, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada.” The American has a smirk on his face. The Canadian listens in silence. The American persists: “Do you eat jelly with the bread??” Canadian: “Of Course.” American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). “We don’t. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds,and left overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada.” The Canadian then asks: “Do you have sex in America?” American: “Why of course we do”, the American says with a big smirk. Canadian: “And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?” American: “We throw them away, of course.” Canadian: “We don’t. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America.”

hei hei.

I finally found a really good web host and so I am masterminding a new website scheme but I haven’t decided if I’m going to somehow incorporate the blog with the website or just abandon the blog.

Let’s wait and see.

My course selection has so far been settled, and my timetable looks like this. However, this is not the finalized copy - which would have, by and large, 3pm-5pm Tuesday-Thursday occupied as well as another hour on either Monday or Thursday for Applied Music.

I’m still waiting to choose my elective when I’m allowed, and I’m hoping to get a minor in Art History. I’ll most likely end up taking 6.33 or 6.67 credits this year (I know I know.. don’t gasp please) and let’s see if I can handle it.

I got a metropass for this month and therefore I must travel a lot to make the pass worth the value.

Gardyloo!

University, is almost there.

I either consciously or involuntarily tried to throw myself a hand to the self in the abyss of predicament for the past month, but with no success. Let me just lable it the ‘necessary month to waste in my life’. I hope that this new month of summer is glowing anew, and in such hope I shall:

- go out and shoot the rest of a seeminly endless roll of coloured film
- get to know more about my dear Yashica FX7
- shoot the B/W roll of Black’s film I won from gr.11’s photography class (looking back, it wasn’t a waste)
- suppress my vigorous shopping urge and save money to take a G2 lesson and hopefully will get my G2
- finish reading a dang book I planned for myself long time ago but never finished reading
- go swimming regularly
- get up on my arse early everyday for some running
- get rid of stupid stretchmarks/pimples
- and everything about piano that I should do

Oh, that just reminds me: Hi Ken, welcome back to Toronto. Prepare yourself to be burned in 8 days. Muahaha.

No, not really.

Not much has happened except I got a hair cut.

http://www.thefacebook.com

Got it off from Jeff’s blog and it’s not bad. Meet people who feel as excited as you for going to university this fall. =)

Parthi and Tim, enjoy your trip and play safe.

I went to Eaton Centre today, bought stuff from H&M while shedding tears for the decreasing number showing on my bank account. Speaking of bank, BMO is pretty good because I just realized that I still don’t pay any transaction fees for the Young Adult program (which is from 18 to 21) that I just updated my acocunt to, and then after I turn 21, there’s another program for students and still no transaction fee. This makes my debit-card-using-shopping-life so perfect; no worries on getting unwanted pennies or paying them.

Complain: Smart Set really disappointed me this season. Their t-shirts that now are only in plain colours or stripes are good quality and they used to be printed t-shirts last year; now, the printed t-shirts are so.. mushy, and big - even for an XS. If your bag is a bit heavy the t-shirts would be twisted under your bag strap and go off your shoulder showing perhaps bra straps and it looks really bad. And also, other stuff there just look not as good as last year’s. But I spotted a fall jacket that looks quite nice and hopefully their fall clothing would be better.

H&M and Club Monaco are great for skirts but CM’s skirts or stuff in general are really hard to take care of - they are quite fragile. Jacob Connexion has good pants that define a curvaceous line on your little cute bottom.

I’m getting really jealous now, so many people are going back to China, HK, or whatever their homeland/home countries are. On a good note, my grandma just got her visa and she’ll be coming here soon. =)

You know, sometimes the only thing that can save a girl from rotting is a phone call to her girlfriend.

With Yahoo 360 being launched, I think I’m going to launched my own Yahoo 360 sharing space soon. Their photo album service is not bad except that you can’t view original sized photos or hotlink them on your own websites.

With the arrival of the rogers digital box, I’ve been watching a lot of Fashion TV lately - especially the World Fashion Tour program with big names and runway shows. It’s interesting to see most female designers wear mediocre clothes, even when they need to step out and bow at the end of their clothing line runway show while male designers, (I’m not trying to be offensive here but it does look like a generalization) look gay, snazzy and stylish. My favourite model?

Okay I’m really bored at home. Like, really bored. Sadly I don’t even wanna get out anymore; I just wanna stay and home and rot …

Oh, I’m officially declaring that I am anti V-shaped hand gestures on any Asian person. If you are one of them, run away before I vomit on you.

I finished reading HP6 with tears.

I knew Dumbledore would die but I didn’t know he would die in such a tragic way as written in the book. Also, I was really disappointed to realize Snape, despite how evil and dismal he has appeared to be however trusted without second doubt by Dumbledore really turned out to be on the evil side. Call me crazy but I still have little hope that he’d somehow reveal his true loyal identity to Dumbledore and that he killed Dumbledore for good….

At the beginning of the book, there were places that sounded like J.K.Rowling was writing it for the sake of writing, it didn’t seem as natural as the first few books. The conversation between Harry and Ginny at the end reminded me of Spiderman and Mary Jane and any other superheros with their lovers.

And I must say this: I do not like Harry. He seems really nosy at times like how he’s always trying to spy on Malfoy - although Rowling knew Malfoy was up to something but how does Harry know? It’s bit unnatural for the author or as I said, Harry’s just too nosy. And it’s also a fact that he constant asks help from Hermione for homework and such while he can’t even make a perfect potion without the help of the Prince; there really isn’t much he can do that’s developed through his incessant and diligent hard-work, it’s either he’s born with it or not.

Yes, HP7 is going to be great. But I doubt if it’s going to be thicker than HP6 since seemingly Hogwarts is most likely going to be closed down. And truthfully, it’s not gonna shake me much whether Harry die or not.

When I saw HP4 movie trailer before Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I was sooo excited! Can’t wait!

(And this, boys and girls, is the alleged Cho Chang if you haven’t yet seen her picture)

On the same exciting note, one of my best friends in China, Effie, is planning to come to Toronto to study. I really can’t wait to see her here. I haven’t seen her for about 3 years now - and the last time I saw was only for a few minutes…

It’s been a few days full of interesting things to do, and thanks to my procrastination of blogging, this post is going to be long.

On Friday, Parthi, Ross and I finally had the time to carry out our plan of spending some time together, and the plan was for us to go canoeing in the afternoon and then go out for dinner. So I took the bus to Ross’s place to meet up with him and Parthi, the moment I saw them at the bus stop it just felt really comforting; I guess I got so used to seeing people everyday at Woburn that it has become a routine, seeing them again outside after graduating for a month now is just really refreshing. We went to Ross’s backyard and just sat on the trampoline for a while, relaxing and talking about everything we felt like talking about; I met Ross’s dog and finally got used to having a dog around and not being scared - I guess my main problem with dogs is that I can’t stand being sniffed or licked or feeling unsafe that there’s a possibility of being bitten. Tundra was a mild dog, I liked her. Then, we went canoeing - which was the first time for me and Parthi. It was very fun, even the scary part where Parthi can’t balance himself on the canoe when he steps in or out that the canoe starts to waggle sideways in the water. We reached the beach, boys submerged themselves up to the waist, I, having nothing to change into and didn’t want to get wet that thoroughly, just sat on the bank. Sky was cerulean, air was sweetly salted, I couldn’t help to have a reverie while embraced in the beauty of nature; listening to the waves, and feeling the caress of the breeze. Then, we went canoeing on rouge river. It was very peaceful and quiet, we could only hear our own paddling sound and our own voice talking. It had been very breathtaking.

We came home and I realized my pants, despite I didn’t even get them wet up to my knees, were very muddy. Ross’s mother helped me to cleaned them up and then we went out to Il Fornello down at Queen’s and Woodbine for dinner. Dinner was delicious although perhaps half ruined by Parthi’s involuntary incessant watch checking and worrying if he could get home on time. After we stuffed ourselves and paid about $20 each for our dishes, we went for a walk along the beach. It was just great to get together and relax with the, in Parthi’s words, “lifelong friends”.

As I was spending such a wonderful time on that day, I realized that this is perhaps my first summer/break totally free. I’ve never had that before really. Ohhh… so good. As I haven’t been practising or doing anything much, I’m hoping I could just spend this summer relaxing and just experience the life I haven’t had hitherto; and when September arrives, I’ll give my all to what I’ll be doing.

On Saturday, I came back from work and voila, there was my Harry Potter VI on my desk. I anxiously opened the package, and saw a weird looking card sticking out with the order summery. On the card it says: Let the magic continue… and it’s a “Magic Card” which can contain Chapters/Indigo gift card value of $5, $10, $15, $25, $100, or $1000. One purchases over $50 in August can activate the card to reveal the magic value. Ooo. Just in time for me to buy my university text books. As for the book itself, I haven’t even gone as far as finishing the first 1/5. Yeah, I’m just gonna savour it, slooooowwwwllly. (It’s sad though, that everybody will probably die in the end; but I suppose it’s J.K. Rowling’s only way to avoid being bugged to death to write more HP books.)

And yesterday, I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and thought… it was great! I liked the music as well; very cute. Today, I’m planning to go down to the beach again for the Beaches Jazz Festival; there’s a workshop with Joe Sealy about piano accompanying that I’d like to attend. And after that is another unplanned week… luckily I have some Harry Potter to read. ^^

we like everything complicated.

That was one of the welcome messages we received while attending the course selection counseling session following a pizza dinner. That’s certainly a uh, good omen…

The counselor explained that the credits at Faculty could be 0.33, 0.67, unlike the credits in Arts & Science, straight out 0.5 or 1. Explained things regarding electives and other courses. Not a lot of students went, and there was a lot of parents. People are nice and strange; there was this guy who asked about four questions just on whether he could exempt taking keyboard harmony because he’s got a certificate of gr.5 harmony. Big hair, thick glasses, kind of geeky looking, reminds me of Kissin. I talked to him afterwards and he’s in piano theory; a very nice guy though, but I don’t think I can help but to call him Keyboard Harmony for the rest of my univeristy life.

There was a black guy who was dressed in a pink striped polo shirt, apparently in the jazz division, always asking questions. That’s not a bad thing until you keep on asking questions on the topic that’s just the next one the counselor is going to talk about which is put up on the overhead.

But anyway. Meeting new people wasn’t that scary. I also saw this girl who’s a very good piano player whom I used to participate in the same piano competition with, but she’s in common first year rather than piano performance, I think.

It is going to be a very interesting year. Lots of great courses, lots of great people, lots of great music. The foremost problem I need to solve right now is to decide whether I wanna minor in one specific program or just take all the courses I’m interested in as electives (which is like about 50…).

Yeah, lyke, I really can’t wait for September.

This afternoon I downloaded this CD called Classic Meets Cuba which is a fabulous CD to put on while relaxing. It’s got some Beethoven piano sonatas, some Chopin pieces, The Flight of the Bumble Bee, and some other classical music in the form of Cuban jazz. It’s great.

As far as summer goes, this blogging thing seems like it’s going to extinct.. for everyone. Kinda sad, but seems like everyone’s having too much fun to sit down and write stuff. Or too bored? =P

Yay, paddling + dinner + beach tomorrow. Whoohoo.

So, the Chinese government finally blocked blogsome. I had to split my Chinese blog and my English blog again and that’s why you noticed the extra link on the top.

I don’t know when it was that I realized it’s a very difficult thing for the three of us to talk normally - and by normal, I mean the mannerism which doesn’t involve any intentions of using harsh words to ridicule or deprecate another.

Dinner is usually the only meal we have together. And you know there’s the existence of a dimensionless space between everyone when all you talk about during dinner - your only meal together - is the food. How to cook them, how to store them, the difference of the tastes… Or sometimes with the sound of chopsticks, there’s only another sound - silence. There isn’t even any moment of awkwardness in such silence, we’ve all learned how to live in our own little worlds. The ones who adapt live, and we’ve certainly adapted to having a fantastic time with our own worlds, even if another breathing human being who just happens to be the one we love - or should love - is sitting an inch away from us. I’ve only grown nonchalant, if I’ve grown at all.

You have not a damn right to talk to her like that, even if you are my father.

What is the meaning of marriage?

The commitment, responsibility and certain legal entitlements? - benefits, let’s make it straight.

Marriage rots love.

Because marriage invovles money. Money rots love. Doens’t money rot everything?

Everything rots love except for freedom.

I am just going to run, endlessly, nonstop. With the flying silk, the light breeze, the streaks of sunglow. I can be catched, but not stopped.

I’m stopped, only when my heart also stops.

“What is being normal? Maybe being abnormal is normal.”

Some wedding shoes to go with wedding gown here. Tis exactly the kinda shoe I wanna wear on stage for piano.

Yesterday we went downtown to Dundas and Yonge for the Toronto Street Festival. The Giraffe show was interesting but we were standing there for about 40min without knowing what exactly was happening. I also liked Broken Social Scene, but I don’t really have any opinion about them because I’m ignorant in that field of music- although I thought the female singer looked idiotic when she just stood there doing nothing with her body and just shaking her head in attempt to swing her hair around, and it wasn’t even on beat.

I got home around 12:45, and when I came back my parents were already sleeping. I quietly went into my room and went to bed because I didn’t want to wake them up and I turned my cell off before I went to bed. Next morning, when I was calling work while still lying on my bed I realized that there were four voice message, so I listend to them and was frightened. Apparently my mom woke up just after I went to bed and she didn’t know I already got home. She was worried and she called me so many times, left the 1st message at 1am, and then another one at 2am -sounding really worried and angry that I didn’t call her and she couldn’t reach me, 3rd one at 2:30am -even more angry, last one at 3am -almost yelling and threatening if I don’t let her know what I was she’d ground me for the rest of my life. I was consternated, so got up, talked to my mom and was told that at 3:20-ish she came into my room found me sleeping on my bed, otherwise she would’ve called 911.

Anyway. Harry Potter next Saturday! Can’t wait.

Stress in Piano Playing

I came across this useful article for pianists; and also this article agreed with my statement that piano playing is a sport.

Someone calculated that it takes the equivalent energy of shovelling three tons of coal just to move the keys in Rachmaninov’s Third Concerto - and this does not take into account the emotional and intellectual energy used!

Bahaha.

Alack, lack of update induced by lack of life.

Seriously, I feel like I have no friends when school’s out. Everyone is busy with something and no one is free to go out with me. This is called no-school period, not summer vacation. I’m planning to get a few more private students - to come to my place for lessons that is - as a source for more $$ because I’m just that pathetically lazy to go out and enjoy the sun and enjoy taking the TTC to places and work (hmph).

Aside from that, though, today has been the most productive day. I called my piano teacher earlier this week to schedule for a piano lesson tonight, not only because I’m bored at home, also because I just miss my teacher and my lesson thaaat much. I haven’t seen her for 2 whole months now speaking of it.

Dad had been bugging me yesterday to go to U of T to get them sign my educational fund paper, so I was forced to go to downtown by my parents which is really rare. This morning, got up at 9:44, got my stuff together and went out the door. Went to U of T Faculty of Music, got them signed my paper, and also pre-activated my student card so I can go straight to use their practice facility after Sep. 1st. Then, came out from the back door, walked Philosopher’s Walk, passed the music library and then, I hit College St. by going through U of T’s campus. It was really breathtakingly beautiful. I concluded that whenever I’m not feeling happy during my four years at U of T I’d 1/take a looong walk in the campus 2/go to AGO and sit in front of Monet’s painting (I just received my membership card yesterday, and apparently they also give me a 20% discount on TSO tickets aside from several restaurant discounts and National Ballet ticket discounts. Hooray.)

I went to Kensington, got the argyle belt I’ve wanted to buy for a long time, a patch for my UB pants; then to Chinatown, got a new plastic cover thingy for my cell phone and made some other frivolous purchase. I must say, Chinatown is the loudest and probably the smellist place in the whole downtown area. Not that this has anything to do with my trip but for reasons I find myself unable to relate to most Chinese communities - no I’m not trying to be white-washed, and I think not being able to relate to them is rather sad, but I just… feel that I can’t bring myself up to their standard of moral values, worldview, etc.. and considering I’ve only been here less than five years… I must choose one to side with.

Bought iced-cap and this kind of Vietnamese bread which tastes really good, checked out a store for wireless routers and headed home. Walking alone in downtown is the freest meditation for my soul. Forget what other people think about you or any other crap, if they infringe your uniqueness, tell them: screw you.

In hope to help other helpless souls out there who are bored at home, here’re some of the things I’m planning to attend:
-Beaches Jazz Festival
-Kensington Pedestrian Sunday
-Toronto Street Festival

Enjoy yourselves also.

eating in the bathroom?

This is a restaurant in Taiwan with the theme of bathroom.

Yesterday I had a super bad stomachache in the record of history. I was close to a point which I could pass out - but unfortunately I didn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t have to suffer through the torture. It’s amazing how much one can do with just mental concentration - I never take pain killers but just concentrate, especially on a piece of music, and the pain would be alleviated. Bach, Bach partita worked.

I got up this morning, feeling slighly better than yesterday, and went to the kitchen filled up a biiig cup of water. Came out and sat on the balcony, drinking water, overlooking the scenery, doing nothing else but feeling relaxed. I suddenly felt very… happy, contented, blessed, peaceful, beatific, whatever word you choose; just the feeling that I know I’ve never really had and probably won’t have again in a long time; just sitting here doing nothing, worrying about nothing, fearing nothing, knowing I’m not alone anymore, knowing I’ll be doing exactly what I’ve always dreamed of doing for probably the rest of my life, I smiled.

University course selection package is received this morning. Courses like lyric diction and Italian/English masterclass are only available for opera majors or with the permission of the instructor, jazz music arrangement is also the same, only open for jazz majors unless with instructor’s permission. Seems like someone has a few talkings to do with the instructors. I wanna take the two music history survey courses coded with 2nd year numbers in my first year, learned from Daniel, try to spare some workload for the last 2 years for more practice time. As for the mandatory ensemble courses offered for piano majors, I decided to join the MacMillan Singers, although 4h/week rehearsal time is quite a load, but there’re a lot of performing opportunities that I’m looking forward to such as with the Toronto Symphony Orchestra and in the Bach Festival (which I think our own Madrigal Choir will also attend). Still haven’t decided on the Arts and Science electives - classical Chinese, history, art, philosophy, anthropology… too much I want to learn.

I feel so suffocated being stuck at home. If we didn’t have a balcony, I’d die. Looking forward to the outing tomorrow.

p.s. I found a good source of ebooks/etexts: http://www.gutenberg.org

.. has an absolutely gorgeous view. It’s on the 25th floor, overlooking downtown (many skyscrapers, CN tower) and also the lake. As well, it makes a perfect suicidal jumping-off location. Facing south-west, I also have a horizontally strecth canvas painted with the most beautiful sunset by mother nature that I often find myself lost in thoughts.

It’s crazy. My cable, as I posted in the previous blog, will be installed this Friday, and so for now I have no TV and no internet. Tonight, because the view is fabulous up here on the balcony, I took my laptop out with me in attempt to watch a DVD of some sort and my dear laptop informed me that it found a few wireless internet sources around here. So I connected to a not very strong one with no need of password to access (strong ones need password), and here I am posting entries on my blog. =)

My final marks aren’t so bad, I managed to pass calculus. English mark went up a lot which I’m really happy about, couldn’t find my student number when checking art mark, and if I do get an 80+ mark for art, I can maintain an A average.

So summer officially started. I still have no clue what I’m gonna do. Went downtown today bought Prokofiev Sonata, went to ref. library to listen to recordings while this mid-aged guy beside me was totally rocking in his chair - apparently he was listening to some rock album - and made such an annoying sound that got me irritated. Left there, sat around in the UT campus, marvelling at the fact that OMG I’M GOING TO BE A UNIVERSITY STUDENT.

Still lots of unpacking to do, and lots of practising, reading… and whatever I can think of…

Alright, my mom just informed me that the internet will be installed at my new apartment on July 1st, not June 27th… . So seemingly I won’t be back in a wink but luckily I think there’s a public library 3min walk away from our new place, so I’ll probably go there everyday to check email/update blog or something.

Hope to see you all tomorrow at school, and for any outing plans and whatnot, email me: sofxz@yahoo.com.

Ciao.

p.s. laptop now is the last thing that needs to be packed, my room is totally empty and it’s kinda saaad..

..sleeping in my room here. Tomorrow will be very hectic. My internet will be cut here on 27th and on the same day the internet will be installed at my new apartment. I don’t think I have time to use the net here before we move, and after we move we won’t have internet access until Monday - and when we do get our internet installed, I’m not sure if I can use my own laptop to get online because I’m planning to buy a wireless router and that’s gonna take a few days to accomplish.

So, bye for a little while, I’ll be back in a wink.

Also, it’s so friggin’ hot again. So I am very much tempted to cut my hair super short again. I dunno, I’ll see if I can handle all the taking care of it and tying it back and making sure it’s not messy and all…

I downloaded Shine (finally). So while I have no internet access, I can watch that.

Anyone who’s not going to school on Monday?

The marks of the final examinations for Chinese high school students are out today. This final exam for high school graduates is not a bit similar to what we have here in Canada, their exam is pretty much like the ancient Chinese merit system: all the high school graduates in China write exam on Chinese, chemistry, math, physics, English and another few courses during three days organzied by the national education board and universities look at the marks on these exams only. Which is not quite fair because a lot of students get very consistent good marks throughout the whole year but because they can’t handle pressures or encouter family tragedies or whatnot, they can’t concentrate when they write the exam and would end up getting bad marks. And it also means that this exam is pretty much what decides a Chinese student’s whole future, it is the most important milestones in one’s life; consequently, society treats this exam excessively seriously, and during this year’s exam, a student’s father was waiting outside the exam building for his child and suddenly had a heart attack and died. Another girl was under so much pressure that she went mad when writing the exam, scratched her exam papers and was eventually dragged out of the examination centre. Sometimes I feel lucky that I don’t need to undergo such torture.

This year’s Number One Scholar (one with highest marks) of Beijing is a girl from my former school. I’m so proud - although I don’t have much reason to be, I only went there for 1.5 years… but still, just so proud. Nearly every year one of the Number One Scholars is from MY former school=P. Oh, sometimes I just really wanna go back and spend my high school years there… it would be hard and different, but I know the school life would be much more colourful than what I had at Woburn.

Anyway. Zoe told me she applied to the criminal psychology program of the China People’s Police/Security University (sorry about the translation, but you get the idea of what it is). That sounds great, I’d probably go into history or psychology too if I were in China.

Yesterday Viv and I went shopping at Kensington, bought stuff from the Indian store and a belt from Tribal Rhythm, leather, black, thick and super simple. Afterwards we went to Kensington Cafe and I ordered an iced cappuccino envisioning it’d be something like Tim Horton’s, but it turned out to be just icecubed cappuccino. Coffee products sicken me so I don’t drink any of those unless it tastes far from coffee. So I had to survive myself by adding, literally, 15 table spoons of sugar in my cup. When I drank to the bottem, it was like sugar syrup, heehee…

I have been packing, so tired.

From Michelle:

Well, not so bad. Mostly true.

I’ve been packing, and I’m sure I just breathed in a year worth of dust from digging out old school essays, notes and handouts. I’m going to get rid of 80% of my high school works, only leaving a few essays and projects I did extremely horribly and extremely well.

I also have multitudinous amount of books/ornamentations/stuffed animals/bags and other stuff that I don’t need anymore. I’m going to donate most of them to Enoch’s church because they are having a garage sale on Saturday. But if anyone wants any specific things, let me know and I’ll see if I have it…

There, one more thing added to my goodbye list.

So I orignially wanted to keep the white background because it’s really simple and refreshing, but I couldn’t find any simple and refreshing pictures/photos taken by myself or on the internet to go with it. So I decided to do something with this picture I already had on my computer and here it is. After I messed around with the design on the left I realized it looks like Robyn’s colour scheme. But blue and light yellow is a good combination though.

…at Woburn doing something involving knowledge. I honestly couldn’t care less about calculus and I don’t know when I developed this habit of deprecating myself with it. It’s not a really good thing. I know I can do it, I just need to learn and study; but whenever I try to bring myself up to doing something with calculus, I just can’t do it. Even if it means studying for the final exam.

I didn’t do that badly on the exam, considering I didn’t really study… shamelessly I admit, I’m happy if I don’t fail (by fail I don’t mean Asian fail). And even if I do fail, I still have an extra gr.12 credit to make my way through graduating. Calculus is fun, but just not for my gr.12 year.

So school is out eh. Doesn’t feel like anything.

I left school at about 10:30am for 2 job interviews (well… they weren’t exactly interviews) and I must say, it had been quite an adventure. Much happened but I’m too lazy to type them. My conclusion, though, is that I’ll probably not going to work at the first place I went to because as I researched online, it might be a scam thing - a company owns a product and they are constantly recruiting members to join; but they gain money from recruiting more than from selling the actual product, and each member usual sells on his/her own. It was crazy how the workers there presented their company history and personal experience during a short seminar thing they threw us, they were glibly talking at the rate of about 7 Chinese charaters/second that I actually could not understand one of them, at all - and it sounded so much like they prepared for a draft and memorized it well and practised over and over. More over, they all sounded pretty much the same. I thought they were presenting PERSONAL experience rather than unified computerized experience. Also, whenever they were finished on their testimony on using the product, they’d raise their voice so high and shout out: thank you ****(company name)!!! I was like… o..kay… wow.. we know you thank them… It all sounded like a big propaganda. Right after they gave us the seminar thing, we were sent to little tables and were asked to pay $380 for a certificate of some sort and that’s where it became a question mark for me. I don’t think I have enough time to sell a product even if it’s really good, I’d rather be practising or doing things I like. So I told them I didn’t have $380, they said you can just deposit some cash and I said no I didn’t have any (which wasn’t true) and they kept on asking are you serious about this and I said yes beacuse I figured why don’t I just come back home and discuss with my parents and such.. and they wouldn’t let me go unless I tell them I’m not serious. So I told them, and they pretended they didn’t hear, and kept on asking me about money. Then again I told them I didn’t have any, then they asked me to open my purse to show them. This was the part that pissed me off the most. Who the hell do they think they are? They can just sit around asking people to see their private possessions? Anyways. Eventually I left, but I was led out by a guy who’s also quite young, York U 1st year I believe, and he was probably the most humanly person I met there among all those living-deads. He asked me if there’s anything I didn’t qutie understand and actually explained some stuff that I understood. Other workers also led out a few applicants who decided to leave and after they led them out, they started talking to them just like the York guy was talking to me, obviouly persuading them to go back -meanwhile telling them: we are a big company, we won’t persuade anyone to join us because there’s no need. What a contradiction. It was so ridiculously hilarious, Chinese business people can make a living hell out of you or making a living pathetic entertainer out of themselves. The York guy was extremely nice, he left me a phone number just in case I change my mind - which I’m pretty sure none of the other workers did. During the time we were talking, another worker came out, a guy who explained, in the earlier mentioned seminar that he used to work in the supermarkets doing labour works, super skinny and died yellow hair, fobby looking, moronic image. “Just ask her if she’s serious (to the York guy). Are you serious? (to me)” I almost blew up in his face - just shut up, I’ve heard that question so many times I’m about to explode; thanks. So, my first excuse of not working with/for them is that most of them are annoying arrogant ignorant idiots which I have no respect for whatsoever. Second excuse is, as I said before, it might be a scam. Well actually I think for this kind of job, you can gain a lot of money, just that you have to know how to bug people and lie.

Wow, I said I’m too lazy to type and see how much I typed.. Blog helps me to vent.

Second place I went to was in the Cederbrae Mall. It was okay, they said they’ll give me a call when they decide. I’m proud of myself that the manager there spoke to me in Cantonese and I actually understood but replied, however, in Mandarin. Afterwards, I saw a good quality, right sized turtle neck at Smart Set, priced down to $14 something from the original $30 something. So I tried it on, liked it a lot, and while I was paying it, they told me I get another 50% off which was $8.2 including tax. =D

Job hunting feels weird. I hate 9 to 5 jobs.

Moving soon. Yes.

My blog posts always seem to be delayed now due to my spontaneous laziness. I should change this bad habit.

On Friday I was down at the Metro Convention centre for a Chinese art exhibition which displayed many precious and super valuable contemporary Chinese paintings that are rarely seen by the public. Qi Baishi’s (齐白石) shrimps, Xu Beihong’s (徐悲鸿) horse, Fu Baoshi (傅抱石) and Zhang Daqian’s (张大千) master pieces and even the infamous well-known Chinese empress Cixi’s (慈禧) painting mounted with twelve dragons… it was a visual and spiritual feast. I think my $5 ticket was really well worth it. The exhibition guide also explained some techiniques of Chinese paintings and some content that’s far beyond the surface of the rice paper. Seeing each brush stokes done by the masters was really fantastic and marvelous, and not to mention how proud I feel to be Chinese after getting to know more about the rich and extraordinary culture behind the mere name.

Just a little anecdote my dad told me about Zhang Shuqi. Zhang is another very renowned Chinese artist and when he was having his personal exhibition in the States, a Westerner was very enthralled by the art and the culture and so he approached Zhang to ask how long it’d take to learn to paint like that. Zhang extended out his hand and gave him five fingers indicating the number “5″. The Westerner said: “Five months?” Zhang shook his head. “Five years?” Zhang shook his head. “It can’t be.. fifty years, can it?” Zhang again shook his head. Then he told the Westerner: “Five thousands years.” I always smile when I think about this. Five thousands years is the the time period which Chinese culture took to develope, and for a person who doesn’t possess the Chinese blood, it is very difficult for him/her to grasp the deep culture behind the beauty. So don’t be proud as a Chinese because you don’t get ‘discriminated’ agasint in the Pmall; be proud because you possess something that is so wondrous and beautiful.

The second part of the exhibition was a downer though - because it was all paintings done by and for the Fa Lun Gong practitioners and also to advocate their belief and to demonized Jiang Zemin - the previous chairman of China - and the current Chinese government. ( It’s funny how the Chinese gov. and Fa Lun Gong mutually demonize each other by using practically the same method) The paintings were not bad from the artistic perspective, but what I found most ridiculously ludicrous is the fact that they always put figures from different religions on the same canvas - so you’d see a Buddha on the top, lower left a Daoist sage, lower right a Christian angel and the Fa Lun Gong practitioners with a halo at the bottom. I personally don’t really know much about Fa Lun Gong because the founder of Fa Lun Gong - Li Hongzhi is basically a simpleton. It’s stupid how people would believe in something totally created by a person who hasn’t even gone to university/college who worked as a warehouse guard and waiter to gain a living. My view on this subject is that Fa Lun Gong practitioners aren’t ‘bad’ people, and Chinese gov. shouldn’t prosecute them that severely. Westerners who joined the force of Fa Lun Gong mostly, in my opinion, just wanted to use this as a means to oppose the Chinese communist government and the punishment Chinese gov. used against the Fa Lun Gong supporters is a way to show those who are opposed to the gov.. It’s merely a war between two political standpoint - as it has always been.

So much for some personal opinion. After the exhibition, I went to AGO to subscribe to the membership. I’m elated that I can just walk in anytime I want without paying. Muahaha. Then, I went to Kensington, saw some super cute skirts at the Indian store. I reeeaally liked them and think that I’ll probably go back sometime.

It’s 8:30 on a Saturday morning and unusually I could’ve gotten a chance to sleep in. But, my dad totally rang me up when he buzzed to get inside the building and there was something wrong with the phone and he kept on yelling downstairs for me to check the phones. AHHH! Now I can’t go back to sleep. So I’m doing this thing from Steph…

(o) smoked a cigarette *and didn’t really like it
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) crashed a friend’s car
( ) stolen a car
(o) been in love
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(o) been in a fist fight *oh yeah baby, I was a violent little kid
( ) snuck out of my parent’s house
( ) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
(o) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) skipped school *I’ve skipped class though
( ) seen someone die
(o) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(o) been on a plane
(o) eaten sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(o) taken painkillers
(o) love someone or miss someone right now
(o) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(o) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
(o) flown a kite
( ) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
(o) played dress up *heehee…
(o) jumped into a pile of leaves
(o) gone sledding *and I sucked
( ) cheated while playing a game *perhaps.. but I don’t play a lot of games in general.
(o) been lonely
(o) fallen asleep at work/school *oh man, that one during calc… yum..
( ) used a fake id
( ) watched the sun set
(0) felt an earthquake
( ) touched a snake *ew no, but I’ve eaten one;)
( ) slept beneath the stars
(0) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(o) been misunderstood *haven’t we all? it’s sad.
(o) pet a reindeer/goat
( ) won a contest colouring contests!
( ) run a red light only once though.
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car accident
(( ) had braces *well… sorta..
(o) felt like an outcast
(o) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(o) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
( ) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
(o) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
(o) squished barefoot through the mud
(o) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
(o) swam in the ocean
(o) felt like dying
(o) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers *don’t think they have this game in China
(o) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers *acrylics
(o) sung karaoke *unfortunately yes
(o) paid for a meal with only coins
(o) done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
( ) made prank phone calls
(0) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose *yeah, my dad told me joke while I was eating soup during dinner and it happened
(o) caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe *aww..
( ) watched the sun set with someone you care about *aww..
(o) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire
( ) crashed a party
(o) gone rollerskating/blading
( ) had a wish come true *don’t normally wish for anything
(o) worn pearls
( ) screamed penis in class
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(o) sang in the shower *always
( ) had a dream that you married someone
(o) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
(o) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) sat on a roof top
(o) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours.
(0) stayed up all night
( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(o) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(o) are scared to watch scary movies alone
( ) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes close to it
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch *what is this?
( ) played chicken * as in… play chicken?
( ) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(o) been told you’re hot by a complete stranger *worse, a stranger I don’t even know if I’ve ever met
( ) broken a bone
(o) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(o) caught a butterfly
(o) laughed so hard you cried
(o) cried so hard you laughed
( ) mooned/flashed someone
( ) had someone moon/flash you
(o) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(o) forgotten someone’s name
(o) slept naked
( ) skinny dipped
( ) been kicked out of your house
(o) dreamed of killing someone you hate *not really someone I hate, but I’ve dreamed of killing people

Nobody likes the feeling of saying goodbye to the beloved people/things. Man, it’s been harsh.

A few months ago I bid farewell to my own piano for the first time and yesterday I said goodbye to a huge bag of clothes of mine as I dropped them at the Salvation Army donation place. Some of them were bought before I came to Canada and had been with me for all these years. They are just gone now. Gone. At least I know they’ll still make me smile when they are worn on a little African child’s bare body. And today, I said goodbye to my shelfless locker which I used for two years; while taking all the pictures down I knew I’ll never put them up there again. My locker has been great, it’s comprehensive enough for my whole body without bending any part. Needless to say I also said goodbye to many familiar faces which I have no idea if I’ll ever see again. By the Monday after the coming one, I’ll say goodbye to Woburn forever and in less than 20 days I’ll say goodbye to this area I’ve been living for almost 5 years ever after I landed in Canada. Other than feeling sad, saying goodbye means one other thing: a fresh start.

I’ve somewhat figured out my tentative plan for the summer. Get another job during weekdays; take driving lessons and hopefully get G2; read and learn lots of music; lots of beach going, lots of downtown visiting, lots of swimming and exercising and milk-drinking so my hands and myself can get stronger. Come to think of it, this is the first summer which I don’t have it exactly planned out. Take me out, take me out, take me out.

So I finally got the chance to read the comments in my yearbook because I’d been lazy to bring it back everyday until today. Comments are very heart-warming. Some people wrote about the admiration of my passion towards piano, and this made me feel guilty for the times I got lazy and not practising and really provided me a boost to aim higher and always work super hard towards the things I love. Thank you for giving me that kick. And also, some mentioned about reading my blog while I had no idea they were reading. I’ll always keep this blog going. =) …. and everybody should get a blog! because it’s the most convenient way for others to know how you are doing.

English exam went well. I chose the 3rd topic because I had a lot of reference from the text for that one compare to the 1st one and also, there was word I didn’t understand in #2 and I had no dictionary with me. One more exam (calc) to go and I’m done. Whoohoo.

My room doesn’t look like a room now. Big boxes on the ground filled with books and scores ready to be sealed for moving. While I was going through my books, I realized hey I’ve actually read quite a few books this year. That made me feel better and not so unaccomplished.

I downloaded one of Eason Chan’s old album, and it’s soundin’ nice. I love his voice and how he’s so into it when he sings - and at least he doesn’t go outta tune like *some* pop singers. I’m considering a new layout soon.

Some funny looking Japanese 18-year-old Meehee… I wonder if she deliberately plucked her eyebrows that way…

Just a few more days left. I haven’t been catching up with my work and have been winging tests lately. Just feel that there isn’t really a point of studying my butt off anymore since UT Music isn’t giving out any scholarships according to academic records.. I don’t think. It feels more strange when I realized school is almost out - and this time when it’s out, I won’t be able to go back to the same place anymore. Well I supposed I’m kinda used to adapting to new environment; I spent 6 years growing up with the same people then went to middle school for 2 years meeting people I didn’t really know, left China and went to gr.8 for less than a year in which I again met complete strangers, then there was Woburn. It indeed is weird to say goodbye to the people we once shared so much time with; then when we say goodbye we don’t know if we’ll ever see them again. Just live it, I tell myself; just live it.

Currently I have 3 more philosophy journals to do, and I also have to finish reading King Lear. Planning to start studying for calc tomorrow. UTMusic sent me a letter today informing me that there will be a pizza dinner with guidance sessions regarding uni stuff, I guess I’m going. I can’t wait to meet other musicians along with their strange and supposedly great minds. Reading 05/06 time table and calendar gets me reeeaally excited. Reeaaally.

Tomorrow should be the last 30-degree day. Wear tanktops while you still can. I regret the fact that I didn’t run out into the rain today; but I noted myself that I won’t miss it next time.

多伦多的天气这两天变得非常闷热，终于有些北京夏天的味道了。下午的小睡又让我出了一身的汉。我的头发长了；要不是打算把它留得很长很长，我现在就冲出去剃一个模霍克。灰色的闷热，我的邋遢与龌龊，我看着地上的这堆垃圾般的东西，有种想躺在上面的冲动。

我不知道我们是什么，只是知道他和我好像是咬合的齿轮。他是我的，对我，是非常完美的。看到的世界从此便是从对他的回味中看到的。而从他带有长长的又上翘的睫毛的眼睛里，我看到的又是另外一个世界。总是发现我自己迷失在他棕色的眼睛里，怀疑这在这个世界上有没有他不知道的事物。

要毕业了，我没有什么留恋的。我这四年的校园生活没有那么五颜六色 - 如果我有所谓的校园生活那是。和我非常情投意合的人大部分也会和我去同一所大学，我也就期待着和他们再遇了。夏天，我是没有什么想做的事情的。不对，我想买一本普洛克菲耶夫的奏鸣曲。还要弹。

事实就是这个样子：如果你的脑子被糨子糊住了，就别想轻易的把糨子弄走。

Insulting people isn’t funny, really.

It’s yearbook signing time. I’ve seen a lot of “I’ll miss you”s in people’s yearbook and felt really fake. I did not like Woburn that much, and certainly I will not miss the majority of the people. But the few I can count with my hands, I will miss tremendously - I’m sure to the point I can dream about them and wake up in the middle of the night, crying.

Mom was worried about something and I think what I said was perhaps a bit too harsh - or maybe not, but because my mom got mad at my utterance she almost went ballistic and said:”Yeah, I see you are finally growing up.” I felt I must have done something wrong. This is how I’m brought up - to be humble enough to accept anything and everything people tell me I’ve done wrong. They can say bad things to me without really knowing it’s really a weakness of mine, but I’d take it very seriously and let my world crumble inside. Vanity is bad? I say everyone should possess a bit of that - or else they’ll be left alone brutally peeled, flesh by flesh. Am I ever going to be strong enough? I don’t know. What I do know is, there’re many people just like me, and they can’t bear to take the cold words - and also the fact that I myself randomly say things without thinking, hurting many people.

Why is communicating sincerely with each other so hard? Why is it that we have to say bad things to hurt others to protect ourselves from being hurt? I don’t know what I want, or what I have. I’m really blank.

Perhaps if something never starts, it will never end.

The nights have been so perfect.

The days have been so bloody hot. Aside from the hotness, I finally got a sense that school is almost out - just a few days ago I still felt like there were 2 months to go. It felt too sudden. I am leaving high school, going to university, holy crap. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, I guess it’s just the conjunction of the reluctance of leaving behind my four years and the anxiety of going on to the next step finally give my all to something I love. I should just walk the road.

I didn’t like how they changed my grad comment in the yearbook. “mov.” to “move”; “coda” to “loda” (is that even a word?). And they also deleted my blog address that I originally put there. *pouts*

I ordered Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince from chapters.indigo.ca, and it will be delivered right to my door step on the first day it’ll be out - July 16th, baby.

If you scroll all the way down, you’ll see a counter, and the number is almost 10000! To be exact, the hit isn’t completely this blog’s; I had this counter when I first started my website hosted by Rogers. But this number really is a milestone which marks my net-life since the first day I decided to settled somewhere on the net.

So, I’m thinking of giving out a little present thingy to the 10000th visitor to celebrate my little special number. But you’ll have to provide proof. - and please, no refreshing your webpage until the number turns 10000; don’t be a cheater. Regarding the present… well, I don’t really know exactly what it is… yet… maybe… a kiss? =P

update

But I decide to give out stuff to the first three, since it’s so close.

00 - Ivan.
01 - Mark.
02 - Stella.

What stuff? I still don’t know. Let me know what you want and I’ll see what I can do…. hehe.